It's been a while since I blogged, and this of course being my first account on blogger. Anyhow, for starters I don't want to introduce myself or talk about what I do etc. What's important here is that, I am able to speak my mind without being judged. I don't want to prove anything, I don't want to justify, I don't want to explain. I just want to write and express my thoughts and feelings. I think I have reached a stage where I can't relate to anything. Have you ever woken up one day and realised you don't know anyone anymore, or realised that everything you ever sought comfort in has changed? It's strange isn't it? It feels like so many years have passed by, but in reality it has been just a few months or days. I feel so lost. I've been waiting to go back home in months, back to my family, friends, my own room, my own country and city. But somehow as the days come closer, I feel distant. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. What I left behind are strangers. Things change they say. Hell yeah they do! I am not liking it, it's making me sick in the stomach. Sick to such an extent that I started a new blog account!

Change is the only constant, etc etc. we've all heard that. And I guess that's the only thing that keeps us going, adds some excitement to our lives. We grow, we learn, we become more responsible, mature as a result of change. True. But something feels wrong to me at 2.35 am. Something is going wrong and I don't know what it is. I'm unable to decipher or understand the magnitude of this uneasiness. Sadly I can't even express that feeling through words. My only solace in such situations is penning my thoughts down. It gives me a sense of peace, but I guess it's too deeply ingrained to even express through words right now. All I know is that something is not right and I have to change it...

A song by Porcupine Tree - Stop Swimming

This song leaks out onto the pavement
It could be a joke, it could be a statement
The more that I fake it and pretend I don't care
The more you can read in to what isn't there

Maybe it's time to stop swimming
Maybe it's time to find out where I'm at
What I should do and where I should be
But no-one will give me a map

I'll leave now this can't continue
But I forget which door I came through
And I know that the lift can be painfully slow
So I'm happy to leave by the window

- Anesthetized